I love doing the hand-wanking motion in front of a girl and her immediately correcting me by saying “your dick is so much bigger than that, that is not an accurate portrayal.”
How’s your day going? Me, I’m just sitting at work, getting random shoutouts on Facebook about the size of my penis. Just another day.
|—||A completely out-of-the-blue text message|
Sorry for the sudden disappearance of your favorite manwhore. I got a bit busy before Christmas hit, and once I got out of the routine of documenting my philandering, I had trouble getting back into it. I’ll try to start updating more regularly, but I’m not exactly ready to say “I’m back, baby!”, or any other cliché about returning to any sort of posting schedule.
So a bit of a “what would happen to Scott” wondering. I was talking with one of my girls (can’t remember which one, honestly) about what would happen if I ever actually had kids.
Best case scenario for having a boy: He’ll inherit my manwhoring ways, pretty obviously, but I’ll have to make sure he gets my sense of chivalry. I can’t have any son of mine going out there and not giving girls a good time, now can I? That’d make for some really strange father-son bonding experiences, though… I wonder if this blog will even be around by then? Maybe I can just give him the login info…
Worst case scenario for having a boy: I’ll get some sort of meathead jock that has lame sex with pretty much anything that moves. I mean, yay for the numbers that the kid would rack up, but definitely a departure from his dear ol’ dad. Quality over quantity, kids.
I… I really don’t want to think about what would happen if I had a daughter. (even thinking about having a kid right now is pretty fucking frightening) I’ll save that for a future blog post.
Oh man, that awkward moment where the girl you’re currently sleeping with mentions your sex blog to a girl you used to sleep with (and her boyfriend), neither of whom know anything about it, and it’s all kinds of awkward. We’ve all been there, right?
Oh, right, probably not. Well, still. Awkward.
What’s the only thing better than getting laid? Absolutely gorging yourself on food after getting laid.
I’d say doing that before getting laid, but oh man, that’s just a recipe for a really upset stomach for both parties… or all three parties, if you get to have a particularly awesome Thanksgiving evening.
The main reason that Leah and I became friends (she was happily dating someone at the time, and I liked the guy, so I didn’t try to get in the middle of that) is because she was impressed that I didn’t stare at her tits when we first met. This was quite the accomplishment: not only was she wearing a very low-cut shirt (which even her mother has commented on, I found out later), but I was sitting down, working the box office for the show her boyfriend was singing in, so her breasts really were at eye level.
Don’t think I didn’t look, of course; I just had the good taste to check them out when she was off to the side.
Subtle manwhore is subtle.
Somehow, Christine decided that my nickname with her should be “Sex Jesus”. While I’m certainly not here to forgive your sins (quite the opposite, actually), there is the whole “being hung” joke in there. I think I’ve got next year’s Halloween costume picked out now…
A horny crown would probably be more accurate than a thorny one, though.
(wow, I feel like I’m going to burn in hell even more than usual now)
Slept with one girl Friday night, and a different one Sunday night. Why didn’t I have anyone on Saturday night?
Dammit, I’m getting rusty. Manwhoring fail.
|—||Olivia, who I think was trying to say that I was doing something for a good cause, but I like her phrasing.|
So I was texting Kate the following morning after we’d fooled around, and I said how happy I was to have a lazy Sunday, given last night’s fun.
Kate: “What happened last night?”
Me: “I almost took that personally, but then I realized, hey, this is me; that was definitely a joke.”
I have never 69ed with a girl. That’s primarily because I generally don’t care for blowjobs, though; unless the girl is part snake and can unhinge her jaws, there’s gonna be some unwanted teeth action going on down there, and that’s just no fun for me (not to mention her not being able to breathe, which isn’t much fun for her).